First, let me just go ahead and say that we are all safe. And pretty happy. Now I'll get to the good, well actually the bad stuff.
Let's start with the New York - Jo'burg flight. On this lovely, 14-hour flight of ours, we had an excellent pilot. He was so good, in fact, that he managed to hit every single pocket of turbulent air he could find. I'm sure pilots go a lifetime without achieving this feat. The flight was so turbulent that Mom had a fun little round of "motion sickness" (sometimes euphemisms are just the best way to go). This blessed pilot even managed to keep us from being overly-rested. How considerate. Our accumulated hours of sleep came out at a grand total of 19 hours. Now, I don't know about you, but in this family, an average of five hours of sleep per person does not lend itself well to cheery moods and beaming smiles. Quite the opposite, in fact.
So when we went to re-check our baggage for our Jo'burg to Capetown flight and discovered that even though we had paid for our tickets way back in the freaking month of April, due to retarded policy/bureaucracy, the gate agents insisted that we pay an additional rate equivalent to the same day fare. Which would cost $900 more. Why did they ask us to adjust our flight cost? It's complicated. It is always complicated. But from what I can gather, it has something to do with which credit card we brought. Whatever the case, please accept the fact that it was absolutely absurd for them to charge us more for tickets we had already bought. However, our resident Hercules (Mom), managed to move heaven and earth to save us from those greedy bureaucrats. She is eating a pear now to celebrate her epicness.
Next, we had a little ray of sunshine I will refer to as the "Ludicrous Lounge Lady." Oh yes. Because this story gets even better.
After we got through security, we wanted a break. Lauren and I have been tending suitcases for an hour while Mom and Dad battled stupidity in human form. Questionable words may or may not have been spoken. We almost couldn't find our way to the lounge. When we finally did meander on up to the lounge, we encountered yet another barrier. And yes: it is the Ludicrous Lounge Lady.
Here's what she wanted: credible proof of Dad's chairman status. Fair enough, yes? Well, here's the catch: Dad has left his physical USAIR card at home. Now, Dad still spends 45% of his time flying, he's still a chairman, and he still deserves access. So Mom goes to bat for us and diligently whips out her exhaustive notebook of important documentation for this trip. At least 12 attempts are made to convince L.L.L. that my father is, indeed, not a white collar criminal, but a simple, frequent-flyer man. I cannot adequately express the frustration that each of us are feeling. She is unwilling to accept anything less than Dad's actual USAIR card or an exact copy of it. Discouraged, the Thomas family leaves.
Well, we girls were discouraged. Dad was just plain put out. So Lauren sets up her laptop in the common area and goes to work. She is very focused. After ten minutes, she has finally tracked down a copy of Dad's documentation. Now we have another hero. Her name is Lauren, and she is boss.
After finding this brilliant gleam of hope, the Thomas Family confidently swaggers up to L.L.L. We all want to see her cry. Lauren presents the evidence, and we wait, holding our breaths. The lady, clearly upset that we are winning this superfluous war, sighs and grants us entrance.
Can I just say, this lounge is good. It's great, even. But the sweetest thing about it is that we fought for it. And we won. And who doesn't like to win?
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